Where's the fruit?
I have thought a lot recently about God's will for my life.
What should I do for a more fulfilling career? Where should I live? Is there a Godly spouse in my future? Is there a single "best path" forward? If so, how do I discern it?
And looming even larger are questions like how do I catch up on years of neglected study of the Scriptures? Will God work through my life for His own glory? Will I even have the satisfaction of seeing the results of His work through my life? I must admit to getting little comfort from these.
I am blessed to be in a church body (at least what I perceive) that has such an incredible spiritual depth. These people don't just seem like "good Christians" on the surface. The more I get to know them personally, the more I hear of God's grace in their lives and see the fruit He has borne. I am encouraged to see God working in others, but I admit to nagging feelings of lack in my own life. Woe is me, right...
This feeling of being "behind" is human indeed, but not to be tolerated.
For an over-thinker like me—who, while logical, ends up relying way too heavily on emotion and "how I feel"—I have found an incredible way to combat my thoughts of uselessness.
The Word. Just read the Word.
I found my initial desire to know God once I started reading through the Bible. Being willing to read my Bible and open to the Spirit leading my life has routinely brought me out of funks and provided the hope I need to push through another day. I have no doubt these are part of the mercies the Lord gives us everyday.
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. -Lamentations 3:22-23, ESV
Today I was reading through Isaiah. Isaiah is a bit over my head, but I am intent on being familiar with all of God's Word...and that includes entire books that might not be easily understood.
But I said, “I have labored in vain; I have spent my strength for nothing and vanity; yet surely my right is with the Lord, and my recompense with my God.” -Isaiah 49:4, ESV
While I am reading—especially through more difficult passages—I like to have the NET Bible open, alongside their built-in commentary from Dr. Thomas L. Constable. Dr. Constable's notes on Isaiah 49:4 include the following excerpt:
This feeling of working in vain is not unique to you or me. Even Jesus cried out from the cross, quoting David from Psalms 22:
My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? -Matthew 27:46, ESV
After some time pondering the passage and commentary, the story of Charlotte Elliott and her hymn "Just As I Am" came to mind.
Don Chapman with Hymncharts.com gives us some insight on Charlotte's story.
"Elliott struggled with feelings of uselessness and depression, particularly after a serious illness left her disabled at the age of 32." Oof...I can't even imagine!
Chapman continues, "In 1834, while Elliott’s family attended a church bazaar to raise funds for a charity school, she found herself confined at home due to her illness. Alone and struggling with feelings of isolation and depression, Elliott recalled the words of César Malan, who had encouraged her to come to Christ just as she was.
In that moment of reflection and despair, Elliott penned the lyrics to “Just As I Am,” pouring out her heart’s cry for salvation and acceptance. The hymn’s simple yet profound message resonated with her own experience of coming to faith, not through any merit of her own, but through the unconditional love and grace of Jesus Christ." Full article.
Stories like Charlotte's hit home with me. They remind me that God does work everything together for the good of believers and His own kingdom. In the midst of her own personal hell—struck down with a disability in the prime of life and battling depression—her cries to God through that song have echoed through the years and have given refuge and hope to many, not unlike the psalms of David. But the fruit of our work is usually seen in hindsight.
How many souls have surrendered to God while hearing "Just As I Am"? Or how many sinners have repented after reading the simple confession offered by the unnamed thief on the cross and Jesus' promise of glory? God has borne fruit for two thousand years through a man that probably did deserve to die beside Christ that day.
We are not promised glory here, only in eternity. We may see fruit from the works God has laid out for us to complete in this lifetime, but I'm inclined to think any satisfaction obtained here will absolutely pale in comparison to the downstream effects we will only know about in heaven.
Therefore, we can take comfort as we plant seeds and water, like Paul says, knowing God will work all things together and produce the growth. In the meantime, we should